So I’ve had several conversations and laughs about dating abroad.
So I’m gonna share those conversations and hopefully you will have a few laughs along the way.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Melissa Holmes. I am from Charleston, SC (Summerville to be specific) I am currently 38 years old with a 10 year old daughter. Never married. Desire to be married. Been in love a time or three.
I came abroad in August 2016 as a single parent in Kuwait. Moved to China August 2018 as a single parent.
When I was stateside I had a boyfriend or two. Dated seriously and dated for fun and dated because I was bored. So this whole dating game I am not new at. Ive dated the bad boy type who wouldn’t meet family. I’ve dated the good guy who my mama would approve of. I’ve dated guys who went to church and a the guy who only went to church for funerals and weddings. I’ve dated damaged men, well put together men, single parent, divorced, older, younger, etc. Look I’ve got all the bases covered and I’ve stories to tell.
Got into the latest trend of online dating and swiping right and left. I did OKCupid when I lived in Maryland. Meet a few cool dudes on there. Most went no where because of a lack of a follow through or inconsistency or just lack of interest.
Came abroad to Kuwait and was encouraged to download Tinder. I meet one guy with a follow through. Neither one of us were looking for anything serious. He became a cool friend to hang out with. I meet a guy through friends who tried to run game on me with a whole wife back home and a girlfriend who was in and out of Kuwait.
Tip 1: ask questions and ask around. The level of game playing has reached a whole new height abroad.
Tip 2: please know what you want BEFORE attempting to date and create a profile on ANY dating site
Tip 3: be open minded
I am too old to be further limiting my already limited dating pool.
Like I can’t make half this mess up.
Now I’m in China
OH. MY. GOD. this is whole new circle of hell.
1. There are like no black people in China. Ok I’m exaggerating. There are black people but one China is like the size of 18 countries. Yep exaggerating again. Okay. Picture the United States. Imagine you live in Florida and the next black person you will likely see lives in Ohio. Now add the next black man you will see lives in California. So Tinder becomes your life just to meet another black face alone. Yes there are WeChat groups
*wechat is like this jacked up thing with Facebook and phone and messaging combined. You can only access groups of you are invited (Facebook groups) and you message each other in these groups (like a group chat) then you post pictures in your moments( like Instagram). You can text individual people and make phone calls as well. Let’s add you can pay for anything via wechat.* look wechat is another post.
So I’m in WeChat groups with other black people but remember I’m in Florida and they are in Ohio.
Now let me explain black people. It is not limited to African Americans. It’s Africans (like 90%) British, Australian, Canadian and like one American. And I won’t even touch these new Moor people. I. DO. NOT. HAVE. THE. ENERGY.
Here’s the extra fun thing Mother Africa got jokes with her men. These babies and yes I call them babies because they are under 30 at university working on degree number 1. Baby what is we doing cause it can’t be me.
So I go back and forth. I uninstall and install again. I swipe right. I swipe left.
I just don’t even know anymore. I try. I really do
But lord you can only good morning me so many times before I lose interest. I am not up for idle chit chat. No solid plans are made.
Then I have these dudes out here trying to recuse me because I’m a single parent.
“Your daughter needs a father” sir you have sent a few good morning texts and we have not seen each other in person, I don’t know your birthday, I met you 3 seconds ago….You have not been upgraded and selected to be step daddy. Sir there are steps to this.
I don’t get it. I really don’t. It baffles my mind.
I had one dude get salty with me because I didn’t tell my child who he was and introduce them. Sir I don’t like you. I don’t have tell that little girl one thing. She don’t pay my bills and you ain’t sticking round. Matter fact you can leave for the night sir. And this was the dude that ended up with a whole wife back in his home country.
and lord don’t get me started on the roommate situation. Sir go away.
I hate dating but yet I keep doing it. I keep trying. I keep hoping and praying. If nothing else I have loads of laughs to share about dating abroad.
Maybe just maybe I will have my happy ending. I’ll keep you dated until then I have stories to share and laughs to give.
Him: I have a surprise for you send me your location(address)
Him: shows up with jiffy cornbread mix and bacon
Me: you are my new best friend I think I love you
I lived in Kuwait and bacon was not gonna be found. I told him I wanted to make cornbread and he got me jiffy mix. He worked on base and he listened to me. He was one of my better dates.
Him: why didn’t you tell her who I was
I had just put Elise down for the night and he was sitting on my couch after hours. He must have thought I was gonna give him some sex. Well after this conversation that option left the table.
Me: because she don’t need to know who you are
Him: why not
Me: because I said so. I don’t even know who you are and she don’t pay no bills
Him: but that’s not how this works you are American
Him: you are supposed to tell her because you tell your children everything
Me: look I tell her what she needs to know and she does not need to know who you are until I decide who you are. I’m a single parent and I don’t go around introducing her to every body that says hello or that is trying to get in my pants. I don’t know what you’ve been listening to but that’s not how this American mama rolls.
Him: okay I apologize
Me: good night you can sleep on the couch or you can go home
Him: you aren’t gonna keep me company
Me: no I have to work until the morning and I’m going to bed alone. There’s a blanket.
I leave him on the couch and that was the last time he came to my house.
Him: let’s meet
Him: you wanna come here
Me: no I prefer to meet somewhere public
Him: like a hotel
Random social media inbox conversation
Me: where are you from
Me: sir Africa is big continent which country
Him: Nigeria, have you heard of it
Me: if I didn’t know any countries in Africa I would not have asked you to be specific. Why are you in my inbox? What’s your purpose? What’s you intention?
Next conversation different guy
Him: how’s your family
Me: my daughter and I are fine
Him: where’s your husband
Me: never married don’t have one
A few follow up questions about Elise and then
Him: so I’m part of the family now
Me: excuse me no that’s not how this works sir
Him: you don’t need me, she needs a father
Me: and who promoted you to this position. Sir there are steps to this. I haven’t even met you in person
Tip: Married folk stay married don’t come out here I these dating streets.
Tip: don’t be afraid to push the conversation along. You gotta weed out the bullshit and quick or they will waste your time and WYD you to death. Or kill you with small talk.
I have been chatting with a guy who lives in another country for a solid year and I cannot tell you his birthday or favorite color or nothing significant because we talk about nothing and I get irritated with the idle chit chat. I’ll go days without responding because I’m pissed. Sir make moves. Make plans. Use your big boy words. I work with 5 year olds all day. My attention span is nonexistent. My patience is gone. I need a real conversation. I need depth. I can’t guide a grown man on how to converse. I do that all day.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BEFORE YOU SETUP YOUR PROFILE.
When attempting to date someone from another culture know the norms. Mess around and have a husband in a week.
Dating is fun and dating is not. One day I will date my husband for the rest of my life. Until then…..pray for me. I’m getting weary